He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
