I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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