What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
