I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
