4 words: hood of his car
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
