Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
