She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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