...so i touched it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
