I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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