Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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