true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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