either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
