remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
