Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
