I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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