Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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