can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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