i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got her a Nickelback box set.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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