He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
