come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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