i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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