made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
