Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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