Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
