So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Couch. On fire.
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