You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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