Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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