Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
