I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
