He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
