Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
