You can't motorboat a personality
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i out mim tonsoeep
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
