we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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