did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
