Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
