so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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