i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
