Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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