im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
