I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
