i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
