So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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