Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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