i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
