He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
