Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
