his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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