What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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