I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
