the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
