Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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