I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
