Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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