she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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