how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
