my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
