I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
