He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
