omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
