I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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