The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
