babies were throwing up all over the place
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
